With the news of diabetes, my doctor mentioned inducing if I didn't go into labor on my own by my due date in order to not keep her in their too long and let her get big. Another disappointment. In MY perfect world, I would go into labor on my own- experience the surprise phone call to Andy at work and family saying "my water broke! Let's get to the hospital!" I wanted to try giving birth without the epidural, but with the mention of induction, that meant pitocin, and I knew that more than likely meant I wasn't going to be able to handle it without the epidural. So there in that visit, I had to come to terms with my wants and be prepared for my plans to be changed for Ella's health. As I went through my last month of pregnancy, on a weekly basis I was told I was not effaced or dilated at all. Two weeks before my due date, my doctor (knowing I wanted to try to do this thing on my own) prepared me with the news that it might come down to a c-section. He told me my pelvic bones were really tight and she may not fit through. He was going to do everything he could to get her out vaginally, but if she wasn't going to fit, he wanted me to be prepared for the alternative. Again, I had to come to grips with another hurdle in my plan... I thought about this being my first, will that mean all my deliveries will be C-section? If this, then will I ever get to experience "natural" childbirth? I had to trust that God has already gone before me in the delivery room and has prepared his plan for bringing her into the world. That week, I was reading a chapter in a book that Kelly and I are reading together called Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. The chapter was about God's Sovereignty and Man's Responsibility. There was a section about prayer. He quoted this verse-
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
The command to not be anxious- just trust in the Lord.... I think I can do that! I trust that God is sovereign and in control, so I will come to grips with the worst possible and settle for that and wait and see what happens (this seems to be my response). BUT I am missing the second part.... PRAY! Present my request to God! As the author puts it- I had been concentrating so strongly on God's sovereignty that I completely neglected his command to pray.
"The knowledge of his sovereignty is meant to be an encouragement to pray, not an excuse to lapse into a sort of pious fatalism.... The disciples believed in the sovereignty of God, but God's sovereignty to them was a reason and encouragement to pray. They believed because God was sovereign He was able to answer their prayers." - jerry bridges
Verse 7 continues to say that the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds! It isn't the fatalist mentality of expecting the worst and coming to grips with it that will bring me peace, but not being anxious AND prayer will allow the peace of God to guard my heart and mind! So for the next week, I prayed that the Lord would grant my request more than anything for a healthy and safe delivery. I also prayed that the Lord would allow my body to go into labor on it's own, but also trusting that if these specific requests were not granted in that way, it is still good and He is a good God!
January 15, 2011
I believe this is the last picture of me pregnant! My friend Summer is due in March!
1 comment:
I was so encouraged that the book matched up perfectly with your times of need. We picked it because you were struggling to get pregnant, and then it ended up taking you through your delivery with encouragement. Praise the Lord!
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